Essay Mistake: "Not Learning from Mistakes"

by **LockLockBoy** on Sun Sep 26, 2010 2:43 pm

In my English class, we're reviewing tips on how to choose a good topic for our college essay.
For homework, we were to write a satirical college essay based on one of the tips.
Here's my story in 1st person perspective, about a boy who didn't learn his lesson, even though he thought he did.
I hope it's at least somewhat funny. I'm kind of limited in my humor given my English teacher is strict.

Changing for the Better

=====I have gone through fire and water to change into the person I am now. My family's financial situation has always been bleak and unsuccessful. My parents both had normal jobs, yet their income could barely support my eight siblings and me. Everyday, I was stuck with eating poorly and wearing rags. I could not even find myself a job to help out the family because no one would hire a person in dirty clothing. I felt limited and I could not go anywhere. I believed that all the doors of opportunity were locked. It was not until one fateful day, when I sneaked into my father's room in search of extra food, that I found a way out of my troubles, as well as the origin of them in the first place.

=====Stashed beneath my father's bed was a sealed box containing many pounds of an immensely valuable item: cocaine. I discovered that my father was a drug addict. All the money that was supposed to go to feeding our family was spent on his selfishly gained happiness. At first, I was so infuriated that I almost destroyed all the cocaine then and there. However, a better, more practical idea came to mind. The selling of these drugs was able to absorb mass amounts of money from others, my family being an example. I decided to fix my family's situation by taking my father's cocaine and selling it back at a higher price so that I could finally remove these financial chains that hindered me and my siblings. I had become a businessman.

=====My life had turned upside down. I was strolling the city in a tuxedo and all of my meals cost three digits each. My drug business was improving as well, and I felt like I was on top of the world. Suddenly, I realized something grave. All the money I had gained was at the expense of others, of families who now eat poorly because their loved one had become addicted to my merchandise. I had become the one thing that had ruined my life up until now. Guilt struck me, and I knew I had to find a way to fix things. I immediately placed all the unsold cocaine back under my father's bed and stopped the business. Fortunately, with my remaining money, it was easy to find a new profession. Though it does not pay as much as the old business, at the very least it contributes to others.

Are you wondering what his new profession is?
It's.. inappropriate for school.
But Ms. Breslin doesn't have to know that.
Let's just say he offers special "service."